So I’ve struggled,
I don’t think I’ll ever forget.
You look at me like dirt.
Why do I feel this way?
Should I believe the things you say?
Worrying if what I’m doing is right.
What will I find?
I end it with you.
Need to get out of this hole.
Claw out of darkness,
Need to heal my soul.
I saw the light,
I chose to fight.
Silence throughout it all.
Back on top from whence I fell.
If they ask, I’ll just say,
“THEY” say I’m doing well.
Just. After time,
My life is my own. All Mine.
Gosh, it’s so long since I wrote a poem! I used to write all the time when I was in my teenage years. My my, how life changes!
I just want to say how hard it was in the beginning to ask for help. I had struggled with anxiety for a long time before I spoke to someone, It was only after I had started pulling my hair our (I had a lovely small bald patch to show for it) that I was encouraged to talk to someone. Even now, years later, if I have a bad day at work or if there’s something that’s weighing on my mind, I still feel the urge.
Talking helps. Talking to my partner, my mum or anyone for that matter! Learning to let the little things go has improved my quality of life. If I don’t think I’m going to remember the current “incident”, that’s causing the anxiety, in a year. I let it go. (Please don’t start singing THAT song now I’ve written let it go. Dammit now I’m humming it!)
I don’t ever want to feel how I did back then. People did always used to say I’m doing well, because they never knew any different until I started to get help.
I refuse to be the person I used to be. On my back I have….
Take me as I am,
Who I was,
And for whom I shall become.
Tattooed there. A reminder that I’m stronger now than ever before. I’m happy.
Never feel ashamed to talk out loud to people and share. Even if it’s just a tiny sliver of your worries, anxieties, the highs and your lows, it may just be the start to finding your way back to being you.
You’ll find your way back. I believe in you.
You just have to believe too.
Rachel Hague © 2016
Thank you so much for taking part Rachel!
To see the full list of authors taking part in this month-long blog tour, [click here]
To find out what “They Say I’m Doing Well” is all about, [click here]