They say I’m doing well…
Am I? Really?
The pain consumes me, ravishing my weary body.
Will it ever end? Will I ever sleep?
Twisting, shooting, stabbing, gripping.
A never-ending cycle soothed by a myriad of pills and heat.
Cool water washes the tablets down and
I curl up tight, consoling my aching curves.
Unwelcome drowsiness, finally takes effect.
The warm medicinal blanket soothes my severed nerves.
They say I’m doing well … managing this illness,
But they don’t see me at dawn, in agony and pain.
They say I’m doing fine… being positive about my progress.
I’m trying very hard – after all, I have a reputation to maintain.
To most I am ‘fine’, for the mask is firmly fixed in place.
The lipstick is on; the cheeks rosy, the bright smile fake.
Only the closest of friends and family know my secret,
the torment I go through, each day I wake, each step I take.
I smile through unshed tears, pain ripping through my body,
as I chat with a colleague, or friend, or my son.
Screaming silently, I nod in all the right places;
Life is as it should be to all.
Another day has passed, another day is done.
My strength makes me proud; I control this illness.
Despair cloaks me in blackness, but positivity lets the light back in.
Those good days I embrace, and I live my life freely,
for when the bad days come, and they will,
I’ll indulge and give in.
They say I am doing well … what do they know?
I’ll be the judge of that, I will say if I am doing well.
Today may be a day where I want to scream and yell,
tomorrow one where I’m invincible and not living this hell.
One thing I know, my pain makes me strong.
I won’t let this beat me, this illness of mine.
I’m determined to not lose the person that I am.
The laughter bubbles, despite my ongoing decline.
The support I gain from my family and friends,
helps me fight this condition that may never end.
Alexandra North © 2016
… is an Amazon bestselling author who came onto the writing scene in 2014. She writes romance, with erotic themes, humour, drama and often suspense and there is always a HEA at the end of a book/series.
Ms. North lives in the rambling lush hills of Yorkshire, United Kingdom with her swoon-worthy husband and two children, 15 and 9. She worked as a Graphic Designer & Illustrator, for over 18 years before she wrote her first book and now combines design and writing in this new path when creating her book covers and teasers.
Writing was always a hobby and took a back seat to University, work, parenthood and unfortunately later, chronic long-term illness. One day she woke and thought ‘life’s too short – I’m going to finish that blummin book!’ She now devotes her time to writing love stories full of humour and naughtiness. When she isn’t manically typing away or trying to be the model wife and mum, Alexandra can be found shoe shopping (shoes are her weakness), cosying up with back-to-back TV series and enjoying her very own Sebastian Silver.
Find her at the following social media sites;
Thank you so much for taking part Alexandra!
To see the full list of authors taking part in this month-long blog tour, [click here]
To find out what “They Say I’m Doing Well” is all about, [click here]